Stunna Shades.

I will have them. Oh yes, they will be mine.

Death by Football.

I think football might kill me.

Mind you, it's really not that I hate the game itself. What it is, is that the man with whom I am ridiculously, completely sprung used to play. No, I never got to actually watch him. I only have this picture....oh. This one picture. A professional, full-on action shot of him carrying the ball down the field. *Not the one pictured above.

Football was also our first real date. On Saturday, October 8, 2005, he took me to a college game (his alma mater vs. my hometown). It was, hands down, the best weekend I have ever had. Now, flipping through the channels and accidently landing on SportsCenter sends me into an emotional meltdown. And Jesus, don't let the sportscaster guy mention the team he used to play for. Memories of the team's mascott tattooed on his (nicely toned) arm makes me want to stay glued to the couch watching reruns of Sex in the City and never, ever come out of the house.

Safeway delivers, right?

Don't get me wrong, it was never about that with him. It was the way we instantly clicked, like, we were just so perfect together I swear it was meant to be. We used to talk about everything, and of course that was and still is a significant part of his life, so we talked about it often. But it was never about that. He could've been a garbage collector and I'd feel the same way.

And now, I feel like I might die from us not working out and me having not talked to him for weeks. We always said that we would stay close but it didn't work out that way (I guess it never does). And everything reminds me of him.

I know everyone has been through this before. I know this because 'everyone' has told me this. But none of the 50 million stories I've heard from my girls or my boys or random compassionate strangers are anywhere close to being remotely comforting. I love them for trying, though.

I don't know what to do. I have never been in this situation before. Usually, when the bs starts I quickly bow out, and its more than easy to find another who can at least keep me entertained for a minute. Does that sound shitty? Well, I really don't give a furry rat's ass. Guys do that shit all the time. Yet, regardless of my efforts, I absolutely cannot make that work in this situation.

He pretty much maintains that it's my fault that we are not together. But, if you knew the whole story you would disagree - I promise. I'm not getting into it here.

But I promise.

It was just so destructive. I knew it from like the first 30 seconds. But I just. Couldn't. Stop it from happening.

I even wrote a poem about it. I might let you read it later.

What do you do when you feel like you'll never connect the same way with anyone, ever ever again? This heartbreak shit is for the birds. How come I can't just shake it off like Mariah Carey? Seriously, even buying the coveted-for-months Gucci sunglasses (on sale) is not going to help. *Trust me, I've purchased more than a few I-fucking-miss-him articles. Of course, I'm getting them anyway.

What? I need to look hot when I go back home in January. You would do the same thing.

I suppose I'm just sort of getting it off my chest a little tonight. I guess it's really not football that I hate...it's everything that reminds me of him. Especially that "Girl Tonight" song. Jesus God, what is it with music? There are like a million songs I can't even listen to anymore. Or scents. Angel for men makes me want to bawl.

Love is some straight bullshit.

Happy B-day Week, E!

Hooray for present wrapping season. I ♥ wrapping presents. I won't get to do it much this year though since I'm not going home for Christmas; for convenience purposes I will be ordering and shipping pretty much everything online. So, not only was I happy to find the perfect gift for my girl E's b-day coming up, I also got to wrap it all cute. Plus, what could be a better present topper than a mini-tiara hair comb (that I will absolutely make her wear when we are good and faded after all the bottle-popping in the VIP somewhere in Snottsdale)! Ha...it will probably look a little something like this (based on previous experience):

Oh. And since avoiding homelessness prevailed (albeit narrowly) where it came to the "Shall I purchase the (on-sale!) $450 Dolce & Gabbana shoes or pay December's rent?" dilemma earlier today, I chose a leopard theme for the wrapping of the gift.



*sniff* ...A moment for the D&G, please.


Okay. I think I'm going to be okay.


So anyway, my Sunday consisted of Yas and I shopping all day (which also included an Asti- and chocolate-infused lunch) and then E and I kicking off her b-day week tonight by lounging in her jacuzzi sipping champagne while it was about 50 degrees out. Rough life, I know....


Have a lovely Monday morning darlings!
♥, me

Merry Christmas to me!!!

Peep my new babies. Just a couple more reasons why shoes are better than men.

Okay I have to go, there's more shopping to do!

♥, me

Told you I was sporradic....

Sorry kids. Didn't mean to keep you all waiting like that. Not that I'm making excuses, but work right now is a bitch and school's almost over so you know there's like 52 things due at once. And I have this little project going for work that is keeping me a little bit busy. Annnnd I don't think I'm an everyday writer. But I'll work on that. (Everyday shopper, now that's a different story...)

So Yas told me to put something random up if I didn't feel like writing. Yas, this is for you! (Since I got it from your blog anyway...ha!)

A lil about me...

1. Is your second toe bigger than your first? Not bigger. Longer. You got something to say about that?

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? Ooooh I love pens. Fine points especially.

3. Look at your planner for November 9, what were you doing? I don't know. Probably despising my job. It's too much work to open my outlook calendar right now.

4. What color are your toenails usually? Pink. I'm switching up to cabernet today when I get up the energy to paint them. You know, gotta stay seasonal.

5. What is the last thing you highlighted? Some stuff in one of my books for class, I think.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains? Just boring old white vertical blinds right now.

7. What color are the seats in your car? Black leather. Although it was in the shop for so effing long I barely remembered that.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? Olive's got a little of both.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on? The rent note. *sighs*...People always want my money.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? I. Got. Hoes. In different area codes. Okay, except for there.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time? For I.O. drinking money. Sooo worth it.

12. Who is the last baby that you held? Joy's husband's sister in law's baby...so that would make it Joy's niece? Maybe? Anyway, that was a few weeks ago at Joy's baby shower and it was the first one in a looong time.

13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names? No but I have always said if I ever do have kids I want twins - a boy & a girl - so I can name them Mikela & Mekhi.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste? No. Yuk. I don't like the gum, either.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago? Luda. A 1998 Prelude. That was my girl.

16. Pick one: Florida State Seminoles, Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators? No. I hate everything about football right now.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags? Is that the one I went to with Paul and his fam? I guess a few months ago.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house? No. I used a ribbon border instead when I painted the wall red in my living room. *Thanks mom* It's cute!

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow? Seriously, nothing right now. I have no idea.

20. Last person to give you a business card? This lady that does real estate in Vegas, at I.O. Random. She was cool though.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to? My tanning place. For entirely too much money.

22. Closest framed picture to you? A flick of my dad and I on the beach at Seaside when I was like 2. Best picture ever.

23. Last time you did homework? Last week. Stupid Planning Theory class.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare? No. But after doing what I do, I sure know how to work the system if I need to. Learned it from my clients.

25. How many emails do you have? Addresses? Several. I lost track. In my inbox at work alone I think there's like 1102 or something. I keep getting these little emails from someone named "System Administrator" telling me my box is full.

26. Last time you received flowers? I don't remember. Nobody loves me.

27. Who is the governor of your state? J. Nizzle

28. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman? I don't really care.
Eff marriage.

*What happened to #29? For the record, that's the age I plan to stay.

30. What is the smallest key on your key ring for? The mail box.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines? What? I don't think I own a 'figurine'.

32. What was your high school's rival mascot? Whatever Scappoose was. I can't remember that far back.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school? Derek emailed me the other day.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer? Um...

35. Have you ever worn camouflage? I don't think so. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room? Dark red. And they are hott.

37. What is in your inbox at work? 50 million emails. I'll worry about it tomorrow.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper? The Sunday circulars. Duh.

39. When was the last time you attended a pageant? Never. I wasn't as cool as Yas as a kid. lol.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from? Dominoes. I broke down. I had a craving.

41. Have you ever worn a crown? You mean other than the invisible one I wear every day?

42. What is the last thing you stapled? The certified mail receipt to an eviction notice I had to mail to a client. If only they would just act grown and stop fucking up....

43. Did you ever drink Crystal Pepsi? Oh snap! I had to think about this for a minute because I didn't even remember it. I think so. But I think it was gross. Pepsi is nasty anyway.

44. Ever had an ingrown toenail? What a retarded question.

45. Last time you saw fireworks? Over an ASU game, I think.

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut? It's been awhile. RIP, Krispy Kreme.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned their call? Um, am I supposed to return those? My bad.

48. Last time you parked under a carport? It's parked there right now. I want a garage. And a house.

49. Do you have a black dog? *laughs* Yeah, I have several. Or are those 'doggs'?

50. Do you have any gourds? What?

51. Are you an Aunt or Uncle? Nope, I'm an only child. And what?

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of? I don't want to talk about it.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck? Oh probably one of the mf'ers that were driving too damn fast on the freeway.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe? I guess so, although I don't think he was real memorable was he?

55. Do you have a little black dress? I need to go shopping.

...Feel free to post hate comments for me taking so long to post. I know they're coming.

Losing it. (Blog Virginity)

Okay well, I guess I sort of already have. I, like 99% of every person I know, do in fact have a myspace account. And I've posted maybe a few blogs on there. A couple poems. I don't think that really counts, though. So, in the footsteps of my darling friend Yasamin, I have finally decided to give it a shot. Though I suck at consistency. So we'll see. Are there 23 other things I should be doing right now? Yes sir. I'm also the epitome of procrastination. As if myspace isn't distraction enough from work and school, let me start a blog too. Ha. But, I've found that writing about stuff makes it easier to then forget about, or at least get through...so this might just work out lovely. Maybe people will read it. Or maybe just Yasamin. Awwh, but that's enough for me!

Okay so let's get this party started. First let me just say that I am blessed in regards to my family and my fabulous friends, and I know that I am fortunate to be able to have what I have. I also work my ass off every day to have what I have. I've been in the housing field for about 8 years now, and I've seen people go from lawyers to homeless in the blink of a breakdown. So I know material stuff can be gone in an instant.

With that said...

Some things have been pissing on my parade lately. Where shall I start? Well, lets begin with something cheery first. February 28, 2006, I traded in my baby (Luda) for a new one (the Accord, which I've yet to name...it's too soon.) Then. August 18, 2006: I'm sitting there minding my business when this mf'er runs a red light and t-bones the car coming toward me, who then hits me and pushes me into the truck behind me. And GUESS who didn't have insurance? Yep, the ass who ran the red-light. Nor did he have a driver's license. Fucker. So yeah, had to come up with a G for my deductible to get the whip put back together. It's in the shop for a little over a month. And then again. And then AGAIN. Yeah. Had to keep taking it back until it once again looked like it did before the accident. FINALLY get it back. Drove it for roughly about a week, which brings us to October 18. I'm driving happily along at lunchtime, destination: Biltmore Fashion Park to support my 2 girls E & J (both of whom work for a very addictive cosmetics line) and their National Artist Event (read: makeover). Windows are down, sunroof's back -- it's just me, JT and TI and we're singing bout My Love...when, all the sudden, I hear that sound that immediately triggers the "FuckMeNotAgain" response. I slow down, turn around and what do I see? Everybody else slowing down too, staring at my car. In the middle of this is a silver Nissan Sentra who follows me into the parking lot of the nearest business. I get out, he gets out, a couple expletives escape my mouth (whoops, too bad):

"WHAT THE HELL??!! were you doing?"

"I guess I didn't see you"

"WHAT?"

"sorry."

Jesus. As hooch would say, I had to call him. Yeah, I did, 'cause I need for him to explain what the deal is with all these damn retards trying to hit me daily. Anyway, long story short (too late right?), this one didn't have a driver's license either, only a permit and was the only one in the car. He must have forgotten the part about having a LICENSED driver with him at all times. But he did get moms and pops to pay for the $2800 damage to my car. It might be because I threatened him within an inch of his young life. Okay not really, but I did tell him to pay the eff up. So I'm driving a rental car yet again.

Wanna hear something else funny? I took the car to get washed in the interim week that it was actually back in my possession, and the car wash place LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR. They told me about it and then turned around and retrieved the keys in like 1.5 minutes. No lie. Dude was like, "Look mees, I di'ent reeally want tell you dis, but happens all da time. Soddy. We geeve you free wash. Aiight?"

Who does this happen to?

So... I guess I *did* have some stuff to vent about. Oh, and I have more. But we'll save the work stuff, and the "this one guy is making me a crazy nut but I still love him" stuff for another day.
You're welcome.

Until next time. *muah*